The numbers that stare back at you on a scale, your marital status, where you live, standing up for yourself, or even your choice to “glam it up” or to go “au naturel” should never be things that women are ashamed of. But why do we sometimes allow them to make us feel that way?
Every woman you meet has a different story, a different set of circumstances, a different mountain she was called to climb, and different likes and dislikes. These differences should not invalidate a woman’s worth or cause embarrassment, but instead should be celebrated for the diversity that it does to unite the female species. Women have been fighting an uphill battle to be accepted for who they are, and letting go of the things we are embarrassed or ashamed of, is the first step in being able to rid ourselves of shame.
So, why do we inevitably become ashamed or embarrassed when we feel aspects of our lives may not be up to the standards set by society at large? Perhaps it is because in order for others to feel better about themselves, they feel the need to point out our flaws, or to shame us into believing that unless we fit the perfect mold (having that degree from that perfect college, being able to fit into a particular size, living a lifestyle that society deems acceptable, etc.), that somehow we don’t matter and should be ashamed.
Darling, I’m here to tell you that you society has fed you lies because you, in fact, MATTER. Your story and who you are should inspire others to be themselves. There is no reason to be ashamed of the life you have been assigned to, or chose for yourself.
It is not our role as women to tear another woman down by using their differences as a dividing factor, nor should we ever humiliate another woman if they don’t fit the mold that we or society says they should fit into. It is our role as women to uplift and to support each other, even if a particular lifestyle choice is one that we would not choose for ourselves. Remember none of us are perfect, but we can all be perfectly imperfect and that is what makes us part of a special tribe.
- Your weight: The size of your body does not dictate your worth. Whether you struggle to keep weight on, or struggle with a body that doesn’t fit in with what society deems is Instagram worthy, beauty and fitness comes in all shapes and sizes.
- Your marital status or choice of partner: The decision to stay single, be married, get divorced, or have a committed domestic partnership is something that you should never have to explain. Neither should your choice of partner be anything to be ashamed of — Love comes in all forms.
- Your age: Never be ashamed of your age. Your mind is ageless and people of all ages have the ability to contribute to society. If you struggle with thinking you are too old to learn a few new tricks, throw that mindset aside. Wisdom comes with age and you are never too old or too young to make your dreams come true. Likewise, you are never too young to rise up and become a mover and shaker.
- Your views on makeup: No one should ever make you feel ashamed that you choose not to wear makeup and no one should ever make you feel bad if you spend your days in all your glamorous glory. Makeup or lack of makeup does not define the beauty of your soul.
- Wanting to be ultra feminine or wanting to be a sporty “tomboy”: If you’re the quintessential girly girl living in a bubble gum pink world, embrace it, if that is what makes you, you. If your soul is set on fire with the thought of using power tools and you are more comfortable in flannel and jeans, then why worry about what anyone cares. No one should ever make you feel embarrassed about the type of woman you are.
- Your career choice: If you have a job and are getting paid, then it doesn’t matter if you are in an industry that is non-traditional, or have a job that others wouldn’t consider good enough for them. Every job is important in order to have a functioning society. If you love what you do, that is all that matters.
- The level of your education: Intelligence is not the same thing as education. Having a degree may be important, but there are other ways to gain valuable employable skills. Never feel embarrassed of your education level if you have the brains, guts and experience to get a job done.
- Your dietary preferences: Gluten free, vegetarian, flexitarian, vegan, carnivore, etc. — seriously, it’s just food. Never feel ashamed of what you eat, it’s your body so feed it whatever you want to.
- Where you live: Don’t feel embarrassed if you live in a high income zone, or if you are living in your parent’s basement. Whether you’re a city girl, or a country wide-open space kind of woman, your choice of abode or your financial situation doesn’t define who you are as a person.
- Your parenting style: Helicopter parent, free-range style, over indulgent, strict, or whatever your parenting style is, remember every parent and every child has a different relationship, and different parenting styles fit different families. Don’t allow anyone to judge your style if it is working for you and your children.
- For Putting Yourself First: There are times that your wellbeing requires you to put yourself first. Never be ashamed or feel guilty to take time for yourself to do the things that recharge your soul.
- Having a different opinion from others: It’s normal not to have the same opinions as others. Everyone will have a different set of circumstances in which they will form their own opinions. Don’t feel ashamed if you march to the beat of your own drum. Never be ashamed of not going along with the crowd if it is something that goes against your beliefs.
- For being old school: Being an ageless OG with classic values and vintage tastes when the rest of the world is seeking out the next new thing, or following the next new trend can sometimes make us feel embarrassingly out of place. But having an old school view on life is nothing to be ashamed of.
- For being interested in new trends: On the flip side, if you happen to be a trendsetter, don’t let any one make you embarrassed for wanting to adopt a new style or new way of thinking before the rest of the crowd has a chance to catch up.
- Your wardrobe/clothing style: Athleisure, corporate, tees and jeans, high heels, sneakers, or whatever style fits your personality, never be embarrassed of your own style, and never ever be ashamed if you can not afford to wear what everyone else is.
- Your hairstyle: Long, short, grey, dyed, thinning or thick — it’s just hair. Even if you are having a bad hair day, or the stylist wasn’t on point when you sat in their chair, or even if you suffer from an autoimmune disease, there is no need to be ashamed of what does or does not crown the top of your head. Hair does not define you as a woman.
- Your collection of tattoos or lack there of: Once upon a time, women with tattoos were a rarity. Whether you would personally adorn yourself with a special design or a collection of ink art, or would run at the first sight of a tattoo parlor, let’s remember tattoos have become mainstream. It’s time to stop judging a woman on her decision not to get a tattoo, or on her decision to make her body a living canvas. Your skin, your call.
- Your accomplishments: Never be ashamed to let your accomplishments shine, you’ve worked hard for them. Don’t let anyone try diminish your achievements, and don’t try to downplay them to make others comfortable. Do, however learn the difference between being proud and being boastful.
- Your sexuality or sex life: Everyone’s libido is different and every woman has their own sexual preference. Never be ashamed for liking sex or not liking sex, the number of partners you may have or not have had, or who you choose to snuggle up with.
- Your religion or spiritual beliefs: Your spiritual life is between you and God, or you and the Universe. End of story.
- For standing up for yourself: Protecting your interests and putting boundaries between you and things/people that try to undermine your progress is something that you should never ever be ashamed to do. In fact, standing up for yourself is exactly what you should be doing to keep others from taking advantage of you.
- For crying or having an emotional meltdown: Even the strongest, most confident women have a breaking point. Never be ashamed of needing to cry it out or releasing those pent up emotions. Just remember you’re human with emotions, and there’s nothing embarrassing about needing a good cry.
- For needing to ask questions, or admit you may not understand something: Feeling like you are not understanding something, or that you might not know something that everyone else seems to, can create anxieties that lead to feeling embarrassed. However, you shouldn’t be ashamed because not everyone knows everything, and there will be numerous times in life that you will have to ask questions in order to learn something.
- For making mistakes: To err is human. Making mistakes is just a part of life. Just own up to them, and apologize if the situation warrants. A mistake is sometimes just a lesson we were meant to learn.
- For failing at something: Never be ashamed to fail. Failing just means that you had the guts and courage to try something you’ve never done before. Not trying is failing.
- For your hobbies: Like whatever it is you like to do, it’s your free time and your passion. Never be ashamed at having a unique or different hobby from what others feel are not the norm for a woman.
- Your past: Many people are ashamed of their past mistakes, the past hurts, and the past broken life, but they shouldn’t be. Your past should be about overcoming, about learning, and about understanding that we all have past history. The thing to remember is, your past is behind you, and forgive yourself for things that may or may not have been your fault. Use your past to inspire, or to show others that change does happen.
- For not being able to find a solution or being able to fix something: Women, by nature, have a desire to try to fix everyone’s problems, or try to find solutions to unsolvable issues. Don’t be ashamed if you can’t solve a problem or fix something. Somethings in life may not have that happen ending.
- For wanting more out of life: It’s important to always be grateful for what we have. However, there are times when we feel stuck, or know that our destinies are leading us to a better life or a healthier relationship. Your drive to accomplish your dreams should never be something that you feel ashamed of. And never, allow anyone to make you feel that you don’t deserve to have your dream life.
- For being exactly who you are: You are the only you there is. Your talents, abilities, dreams, style, likes and dislikes are yours alone. Never be ashamed of being the woman you were born to be.
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