As I sat quietly listening to the moms around me talk about the number of AP classes their kids are taking and their quest to find the right SAT/ACT tutors to ensure their children get into the “right” school, I couldn’t help but reflect on the immense pressure these kids are under. They’re bombarded with the need to check off all the right boxes for fear of being seen as less than perfect, less than worthy in the eyes of strangers, or worse — insecure about how their friends and family will judge their children’s worth.
This made stop and wonder: where does it end? What happens if these kids don’t want to follow the path society dictates in order to be seen as successful? What really is success, and why has the pursuit of a perfect successful life created a culture of anxiety, Adderall popping, and burnout before these kids even reach adulthood?
Society’s rat race is not what I envisioned, nor wanted for my kids. Sadly, I relate to what my kids are facing. Growing up in the 80s and becoming a young professional in the 90s, my generation was fed a steady stream of “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous,” MTV slick and glittering videos promoting the Rock Star and Pop Princess life, and the relentless quest to be more than ordinary. This created a monster hamster wheel of believing “bigger is better” and “nothing is ever enough.” If I’m being brutally honest, I was brainwashed into thinking that if I didn’t become a corporate VP, have some other important letters after my name, or start my own business before age 30, I would somehow be judged and seen as a failure.
Fast forward to today, and we are still teaching our children to live in a world where the competition to outdo the Joneses is never-ending. They play the exhausting game of who has the most social media followers, the highest GPA, the acceptance to the most prestigious school, or the best of whatever society deems necessary for worthiness. This relentless pressure has contributed to a rise in mental health issues and warped what truly matters to live a happy and healthy life. I want nothing of that irrational stressful world for my children.
Don’t get me wrong, I want my children to be successful—what mother doesn’t? But more than anything, I want them to be happy, to feel satisfied, and to experience success on their own terms according to their unique talents, skills, and temperament. Even if that version of success deviates from societal norms.
It often takes maturity and wisdom to realize that living a healthy, balanced, and happy life isn’t about who has the most toys or the most degrees. Although it took me years to learn these truths, I don’t want my children to miss out on the real meaning of success and happiness—learning to love themselves and finding non-material ways to feed their souls, to simply feel adequate in their own shoes.
I am fortunate that I was able to teach my children about what is truly important to living a happy and balanced life and have seen the results as my son and daughter created their own success on their own terms. My son didn’t attend a prestigious school, but through hard work, determination, and a positive attitude, he landed his dream job with one of the world’s top M&A firms, working alongside colleagues who went to Ivy League schools. My daughter knew the traditional college route wasn’t for her, so she started her own business in the music industry and created a network to uplift and inspire a new generation to feel confident in following their own paths. Their success is real and unique to them, it is not dictated by the schools they attended or following societal expectations.
Here are some life truths that have guided my own children, redefining what true success and happiness means to them:
1. Don’t Compare Yourself to Others: Everyone starts from a different point in life. Some begin with more advantages, others with fewer. The world needs people with diverse talents and skills. No job is more important than another when every job contributes to the functioning of society. We need waiters, teachers, doctors, police officers, artists, carpenters, and countless other roles for society to thrive.
2. Pursue Your Passion: This doesn’t necessarily mean your passion will be your career. Your passion can be a hobby that gives your soul an outlet. If you’re fortunate enough to merge your passion with your career, consider yourself lucky. Having a hobby or passion creates a healthy balance in your life.
3. Allow Yourself to Be Loved: Build your confidence on the foundation that you are worthy of being loved and respected for your decisions on how best to live your life.
4. Love Big: You only get one life, so don’t miss out on loving every minute of it and finding people and activities that set your soul on fire.
5. Go at Your Own Pace: Life is not a race; it’s an adventure, not a competition. Focus on your own pace, even if that means taking the scenic route.
6. Do What is Right, Not What is Popular: Integrity matters more than popularity. Choose to do the right thing, even when it’s difficult.
7. Stay Healthy: Exercise, eat well, and practice self-care. Your body and mind are your greatest assets.
8. Learn to Say No: It’s essential to set boundaries to protect your well-being and maintain balance.
9. Save Money: Having a savings account is more important than a closet full of things you don’t use. Financial security brings peace of mind.
10. Have Adventures: Seek out new experiences that enrich your life and broaden your perspective. Never hold yourself back from living life.
11. Travel and Explore: Traveling opens your mind to different cultures and ways of life. It’s a valuable form of education.
12. Find a Mentor: A mentor can provide guidance, support, and wisdom as you navigate your path.
13. Be a Mentor: Share your knowledge and experiences to help others grow and succeed.
14. Work in a Field That Matches Your Talents and Personality: Find a career that aligns with your strengths and interests. It’s a key component to being happy.
15. Take Time to Discover Who You Are: Nurture yourself and invest time in self-discovery. The more you learn about yourself, the more paths of opportunity will be revealed.
16. Success Has Many Definitions: Success isn’t about how many toys you have, or how many degrees you receive. It can be about how many close relationships you have, a strong marriage or partnership, what kind of parent you are, and the quality of your life. Many times, the most successful people are the most happy people.
17. Never Stop Learning: Continuously seek knowledge and personal growth. A formal education is not the only path to knowledge. The more you learn the more you realize just how much you still need to learn.
18. Be Humble: Humility keeps you grounded and open to learning from others.
19. Set Your Worth High: Know your value and don’t settle for less than you deserve.
20. Focus on Your Goals, Not Dreams: Goals are actionable and achievable. Dreams provide direction, but goals get you there.
21. Be Fearless: Take risks and embrace challenges. Growth often comes from stepping out of your comfort zone.
22. Remember, Strength Comes from Setbacks: Learn from your failures and let them build your resilience.
23. When One Door Closes, Another One Opens: Trust that new opportunities will arise, even in the face of disappointment.
24. Learn the Difference Between Assertive and Aggressive: Assertiveness respects both your needs and the needs of others, while aggression disregards others.
25. Always Be Grateful: Gratitude fosters happiness and helps you appreciate the good in your life.
These principles are not just words; they are the foundation for living a life of true success and fulfillment.
